...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
