Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
