Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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