Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
