oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Randomize
