she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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