My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
