I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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