When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
