I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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