I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
