i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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