Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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