So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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