I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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