Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
