the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
