Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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