I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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