hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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