Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
