I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
