how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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