The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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