Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
