you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
