Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
