get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
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I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
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Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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