Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
