Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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