Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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