I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm getting married
To pizza
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
