How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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