Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
