i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
