so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
