I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
