the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
