are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
