Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
