Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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