:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
