Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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