you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
