Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
