Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
