come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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