You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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