So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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