he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
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He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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