the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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