YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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