I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
