Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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