Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
