South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
