Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
