I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
