you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
