a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Do vagina's smell?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Success! We fucked roommates!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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