he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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