Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
