she was so not down for the gang bang
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
