it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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