last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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