Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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