So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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