some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
