she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
it was like having sex with a tree stump
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I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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