This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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