Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
