Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Houston, we have a blender
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
