I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
